GUEST BLOGGER: Samantha Fillian

This weekend’s guest blogger is the stupendous Samantha Fillian. Sam grew up a seashell's throw away from the Jersey shore, and she currently resides in the bitchin’ borough of Brooklyn. She is a part time writer, a part time nanny, and a full time ass kicker. In this essay, Sam shares her fascinating fascination with parasitic twins. This might be a good time to point out that the views expressed in this essay are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of this blog. Take it away, Sam!

Hey Man, Get off My Stomach!

I used to press my nose against my best friend Megan’s elbow while she was driving. Barely able to control my laughter, I would say, “What if we were Siamese twins connected like this FOR LIFE?” Though she tried to wiggle and flap me off her elbow, my nose did not budge. Fed up with me, she would threaten to smash her white Neon into a tree in order to separate us. At the time, I found this act hysterical and performed it often.


However, this was before I discovered my passion for parasitic twins -- conjoined twins much cooler second cousins. Parasitic twins seem to be the result of some crazy biological dish that calls for you to double the recipe; but then your autistic friend comes in the kitchen and fucks up the ingredients. For example, Myrtle Corbin, a big hit on the freak show circuit in the 1920’s, had four legs and two vaginas. She mothered seven children, five down the right side and two down the left. She had more children on the right side because, that was vagina she preferred to have intercourse with. Nice to have the choice!


Frank Lentini was also a lucky bastard with two sets of genitals. What was unlucky for Frank was the third leg that protruded from his right butt cheek. His third leg proved useful only in the entertainment business. While working as a sideshow freak, Frank would dutifully walk on stage, reveal his third leg, kick a rubber ball, and walk back off the stage without saying a word. His one-trick act amazed audiences.

My favorite parasitic twin is Lallo. A very charming and handsome man from India, Lallo loved to read, spoke many languages, and had three quarters of his twin attached to his torso. His twin was placed in such away that its hands were always hanging around Lallo’s neck. Its headless neck hovered somewhere near his ribcage, and his feet jutted out near his hips. Lallo dedicated his life educating the public on the differences we all share. He did, however, have to spend a fortune having his shirts tailored.

Most excellent essay...thanks Sam!